As I was sitting at our town’s annual Memorial Day parade with my husband, I was thinking of the parade we had seen the year before. At the time we were a week away from getting married, and were loving life. Blissfully in love, we had joined hand in hand as we walked from to the parade, when I turned to my husband and said, “I can’t wait until next year when we can enjoy this parade with a little one of our own.” He smiled at me, and said “Yeah, that will sure be nice.”
Back in the present, I’m sitting at the memorial day parade with my now husband, surrounded by children….none of which are mine.
A couple who are a few years younger than me held their third and newest child in their arms, cooing and awing over her; while the family next to me sat with three of their four children, the fourth was marching in the parade. Everywhere we walked there were children milling about. Some with their families eating an ice cream from the trolley, others riding their bikes and showing off their decorations for the contest, and some were rolling down the massive hill that overlooks the town park. All smiling, all happy as can be.
I’ll be honest…it was hard. Yet another event that I didn’t have a full “family” with me. Another missed opportunity in my eyes to see a sweet babe enjoy the sunshine, or ride their bikes to the contest. Because I thought for sure, by this year we would’ve had a child–or two (twins does run in the family), or been able to adopt or foster by now. And due to a plethora of circumstances, we weren’t able to. And you know what, that’s okay. Because it’s God’s plan.
I’ve never posted much about not having children in this last year (other than that one rant), because this is one of those deep dark “secrets” that really isn’t a secret, but really does hurt to talk about. I was that girl that at eight, enjoyed helping my aunt anytime I could with her three boys, whom I loved to snuggle and cuddle anytime she let me; that girl that started babysitting as soon as I turned twelve. I was so excited to spend six hours in a Red Cross babysitting class, and I was even more excited when my first family hired me. (3 kids!!) And from there I didn’t stop, I ended up babysitting for a long time, until at 18 I became a nanny, and then later became an assistant teacher at a daycare. I ended up caring for children for literally half of my life.
And the one thing I hated about watching every one of those children was when dinner time came around and the parents came home, the last thing they wanted was me. Sure, I was a good distraction and a fun friend for the day, but when it came down to it, all they wanted was Mommy, and that was something I could never be.
Sitting at the parade this year I once again felt that ole familiar feeling, and felt quite sad. And as I type this, I still feel a bit down knowing that right now, no child is going to be with us in the near future; but I rest in the comfort of knowing that God has a whole bunch of children ready for us. And for now, that’s all I need.
Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their opponents in court. -Psalm 127:5
So, if you’re stuck right now, like I am, with your quiver empty, here are a few things you can do while you wait for God to fill your life with blessings.
1 | Pray
Always, always pray. Pray for your husband, pray for your marriage, pray for your future children, pray for yourself. Pray that God leads you in the direction that you need to go in order to get your life in order for children. Whether He leads you to adoption or having children by birth (or both), you will need to be ready.
2 | Get a Homemaking Routine
Getting in a routine as a homemaker will be super helpful now and whenever you decide to have kids. Making sure your house is deep cleaned each month, and making sure your house is tidy each day will help you maintain the health of yourself and your husband.
3 | Stock Up
Now is a great time to stock up on things you need, whether it’s filling the extra freezer meals, filling the pantry with canned goods, or collecting items like shampoo and toothpaste, etc. Whether you spend an extra $10-20 a week to collect these items, or you go all out with a grand shopping trip, now is the time to use a bit of money to stock up items in your household.
4 | Enjoy Time with Your Hubby
Once you have children, you will never have the joy of going back to just you and hubby time. While you may still have date night and maybe one vacation alone after children, no matter if they’re there or not, they will always be on your mind. So be sure to take as much time as you want to focus on just the two of you. Go check off items off of your bucket list. Have fun.
5 | Read
Whether you will end up with a child in one year or ten, reading about child rearing and deciding how you want to raise your kids (as a couple) can save you countless hours of struggle and arguing. Take time to read about which methods of raising children that you like and the ones you don’t. Talk it over with your spouse and read all the books you can. Being a prepared parent won’t make you a super parent but it will sure take a weight off of your shoulders.
If you’re feeling discouraged, remember this:
Joseph waited 13 years.
Abraham waited 25 years.
Moses waited 40 years.
Jesus waited 30 years.
If God is making you wait, you’re in good company.